Karen’s Random Thoughts

I had periodontal surgery today and it wasn’t too bad. It really helps having perfect confidence in my doctor. I went into it all with only a little bit of nervousness, mostly the nerves regarding anesthetic. Hate anesthetic. Hate how I feel afterwards, but it was okay. It mostly just relaxed me to a point that I *almost* enjoyed laying back and listening to the doctor and his assistant chatting and actually contributed to the chat myself.

After nearly 3.5 hours in the chair with two tooth extractions, a lot of scraping, a lot of sutures, some bone rebuilding, and so on, it was home to an afternoon of vicodin and amoxicillin and a long nap. I feel a lot better now. A little bit of pain and swelling, but nothing significant. Yep, it was okay.

After my nap, I emailed a progress report to family and my friends at work, called my dad and let him know how it went, and ate a little dinner. I’m on soft foods for a while. The sutures come out next week. I think the worst of all this is that I can’t brush my teeth until the sutures come out. All I can do is rinse and use a special mouthwash until then. Ugh. But it’s only a week so I guess I’ll survive.

I’m so grateful to my friend Frank who got me to my appointment this morning and came back to drive me home. He kept me calm and entertained on the way there and back. We also picked up my prescriptions before he ensured that I was home and settled for the afternoon. Thanks Frank!

So that’s one health issue out of the way. Follow-ups will be a breeze with the periodontist, and once everything is healed up and we’re certain the bone is growing back then back to the orthodontist for some additional work. Still working on getting my blood pressure down and my latest medication seems to be working for that. Yay! Now just need to figure out what is causing my iron deficiency. Whew! Getting older sucks. Between the arthritis and all the other problems, some days my body feels like it’s 100, while my mind is still around 25!

Guess that’s it for now! Take care-
Karen

Tags: Health, Personal // Add Comment »

Okay, I found this great quiz for finding out where I fall in the Dewey Decimal System! They provide 3 different DDC sections based on my answers and here are the results:

I really think the third one is the closest to my personality, but they’re all fun! Try it out and let me know your results.

Enjoy!
Karen

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Well, if Fall was all about my dad and his health concerns, Spring is all about my health concerns. After a couple of years of being frustrated with my family doctor, I finally got into research mode and found a new doctor in late fall. I really like my new doctor. She’s very patient and seems to look at everything more holistically — she looks at the big picture, instead of just dealing with patching up symptoms. Anyway, my first visit with her was okay. We talked about a lot of my concerns, including my near-terror of doctors, but I didn’t do the things she asked and kept putting off my second visit until the end of February.

February came and I had to go back or not get refills on my prescriptions. Ugh. Guess blackmail does work… it got me into her office and probably good that it did. My blood pressure was extremely high which was very scary. We talked about all of my medications and unfortunately, some of my meds have the side-effect of raising my blood pressure so it was time to get all my meds on track. We decided to start with changing my allergy/sinus medication, largely because it included a strong decongestant. I was in the process of getting a horrible sinus cold at the time so instead of stopping the old medication, I continued taking it for another week (when I ran out and my cold was mostly cleared up). Now I’m using a spray (Nasonex) and it seems to be doing pretty well.

I had to have some blood work done in the meantime and the results were that I have an iron deficiency and anemia on top of the high blood pressure. That led to some further blood work to figure out the cause of the deficiency. Hopefully will have the results of those tests and possible course of action this coming Friday when I see the doctor again. The anemia is both a scary thing and something of a relief–many of the depression symptoms I’ve suffered in increasing volume lately may actually be symptoms of anemia. It will be interesting to see what happens once we begin treating this.

So, the good news is that (1) My blood pressure has been coming down steadily since I switched medications. It’s still a little high, but not scary-high any more; and (2) My exhaustion, headaches, and other problems may be due to anemia rather than depression. Of course, where there’s good news, there has to be a balance of potential bad news and that happened at the dentist’s last week. I hadn’t been to the dentist in a while (part of my doctor-phobia) but had a loose front tooth and needed to get a checkup so I researched dentists and found a highly recommended one that was accepting new patients. After 18 x-rays and a lot of poking and prodding, the dentist told me that the bone surrounding my teeth is degenerating. I’m seeing a periodontal specialist in a couple of weeks to see if we can rebuild the bone or do something else to save my teeth. This just terrifies me! I don’t want to loose the rest of my teeth!

So I’ve spent some time in research mode, learning more about high blood pressure, iron deficiency, anemia, and periodontal diseases and trying to figure out what I can do on my own and what questions I need to be asking at my doctor visits. I’ve cut back on my caffeine in a big way (sigh, I miss Starbucks!) and have been trying to eat more vegetables and fruits instead of so much junk food. The diet aspect is always the most difficult thing for me. Always has been since I was a kid.

I’ve been resting a lot and trying to do some relaxing things to lower my stress levels. Work is still stressful so I’m looking at what I can do to level that out a bit more too. The upcoming week will be more restful than usual… it’s Spring Break at the University of Akron, so fewer students, no fighting for decent parking spaces, and a few days to kick back without as much pressure. Too bad Break isn’t two weeks long! I’m looking forward to Summer this year more than ever and dreading Fall!

I guess that’s it for now.

Have a great week!
Karen

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It’s been a long, long time since I last wrote in here. Sorry for the delay. Real life has been more difficult and writing has been the last thing on my daily agenda… I’ve had to force myself to record a few simple things in my private journal.

I honestly thought things were getting a bit better last March: I eliminated a lot of commitments that were exhausting me physically and emotionally, simplified so many things in my life, put myself on a strict budget (finances and time), got out a bit more, took a pottery class to do something creative, knitted a few scarves, did some reading, and got back to basics on a lot of things. It worked for a while. I thought I was turning things around.

Then it was Fall and things started getting tense again. My poor dad fell and ended up in the emergency room which scared the crap out of me. His injuries weren’t too bad, all things considered. He was bruised badly, had some stitches in his forehead, and messed up his right shoulder to the point that he couldn’t move it. That problem took us to surgery a few weeks later to try to repair three ripped muscles and get some movement back in that shoulder. The results weren’t terrific. The damage was too great and he’s going to have limited functionality in that shoulder from now on. It was a long process and I spent a lot of time in doctor’s offices with him, trying to keep a positive outlook for both of us. He was down about it all, not so much from the pain, but the frustration of losing some more mobility. He’s doing okay now, still limited in functionality, but at least he’s able to get around on his own which makes him happier. He’s back into his routine and that’s good for all of us.

After he got back into his routine, I worked on getting back to mine. Work has been exceptionally hectic this academic year and I’m on a bunch of very active committees. One big project has been reassessment of the video collection in our Media Lending Department. We’re replacing a lot of VHS tapes with DVDs and weeding through the collection, getting rid of some old items that have never circulated or are too outdated for use. A lot of the work has fallen into my lap and my office looks like a Blockbuster warehouse right now. It’s been overwhelming. Lots to do and no time to do it all.

I struggled through the holidays just wishing they were over. Somehow, they seemed to get me down more than ever this year. I really did have fun Thanksgiving and Christmas, but there was just this feeling of dread in the back of my mind and I was very happy when it was all over. I’ve gone back and forth from being okay to being very depressed since the beginning of November. Can’t seem to shake it or figure out what’s triggered it all this time.

I’ve been working with my therapist, as usual, and it does help most of the time. The last visit wasn’t as helpful. Got into some stuff I wasn’t ready to deal with and have been binge eating like crazy lately. I had gotten that under a bit of control, but the last two weeks have been bad.

So to sum up the last few months: work has been overwhelming, dad’s health has been a big concern, I’ve had two bouts of the flu, more than a few migraines, and been fighting depressive episodes. On top of that, I’m so damn tired of winter! This winter has been very snowy and very cold and I just want it all to stop. I’d like to see sunshine, grass, green leaves on the trees, and NO SNOW, RAIN, ICE, or SLUSH! I’m tired of being cold!

Anyway, that’s what’s going on in my poor, sad little life. Hope yours is going better than mine!

Take care,
Karen

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When you stop to think about it, cats really have it good. I’ve been watching my cat Grace for the last few days and her life is so simple. The biggest decision she seems to have each day is deciding where she’s going to take a nap: “Hmmm, the stool with the afghan on it is nice and warm, but scrunching up in all the blankets on the bed is so warm and comforting. Maybe I could lay on the floor where the sun is coming in the sliding doors… the sun would feel good on a cold day like today. Almost forgot that warm place near the heating vent… so many choices!”

As I’m writing, Grace is curled up on the footstool with the afghan my grandmother made so long ago. It’s become her favorite place to sleep and I’m no longer allowed to use the afghan myself. She’s really possessive about it. It’s her’s, not mine. My grandmother would probably appreciate that. She had a fondness for cats too.

The simple life of the common (or uncommon) house cat really appeals to me. Sleeping, eating, playing, bathing, visiting the litter box, and occasionally allowing her human to interact with her… what a great life! She’s so totally in control Nothing much happens to mess her life up. She doesn’t much like other people so visitors cause her some anxiety as do loud noises like thunderstorms, but visitors and thunderstorms don’t happen often so her life is generally one of peace and contentment. Wouldn’t that be lovely?

Do cats get depressed? Somehow I don’t believe they do. Grace seems to have three moods: content, curious, and anxious. The anxious times usually involve strange people in or around her home or loud noises like the snow plow in the parking lot or the men shoveling snow and ice from the walkway or thunderstorms. Grace is curious about everything. She has to sniff or touch just about everything she sees. Mostly, I think she’s just the most contented soul that I know. I envy that contentedness. It’s something that’s generally missing from my life.

I was diagnosed with chronic depression almost 12 years ago and my therapist at the time felt that I had suffered from this since at least my early teens. Chronic depression isn’t something a person sheds after a few therapy sessions and a course of anti-depressants. It’s a long-term, on-going journey. The journey involves grief, anger, sadness, anxiety, confusion… all those emotions, phobias, and insecurities I’ve spent years hiding deep inside have to be acknowledged, understood, and ultimately accepted as part of who I am. It’s a painful process. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

It’s difficult to give up coping mechanisms that have gotten me through life to this point. It’s difficult to look at issues that I’ve essentially forgotten because they were hidden so deep. Sometimes the process is too painful and I shut down again. That’s a lot of what’s been happening to me in the last few months. I must be getting close to something my subconscious doesn’t want to deal with it. In the past, I would just completely shut down and never get to whatever the issue was. Now I’m just filled with anxiety and this nagging feeling of something being wrong. I’m simultaneously fighting to avoid dealing with whatever it is and wanting to get it dealt with and out of the way. That’s progress, I suppose. It’s not a comfortable feeling and it makes it difficult to get through day-to-day life sometimes, but it is still a sort of progress.

So, while I try my best to get through all this, I look at my cat and envy the ease and comfort of her life. And, of course, I appreciate her being in my life too. She’s such a comfort. She loves and accepts me just as I am. She’s always there for me no matter what. She doesn’t get mad if I don’t say anything to her for hours at a time and she’s happy to listen while I ramble on late at night. Grace helps keep me grounded.

Take care,
Karen

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To anyone who actually bothers to read this thing, I do apologize. I had great intentions of writing on a more regular basis but I’ve been going through something of a depressive phase lately and writing in my blog has been a very low priority. At some point soon, I’ll try to put something together here and let people know what’s going on with me.

Take care,
Karen

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I have been in such a wonderful mood for the last few days! There are so many contributing factors to my current lack of overwhelming stress:

• Halloween is one of my favorite times of the year.
• Starbucks has pumpkin scones!
• My friends are terrific people and we’ve all been laughing a lot lately.
• The weather has been amazing! Sunny, cool but not cold — just lovely fall weather and fall is my favorite season. I love any excuse to wear hoodies and sweaters!
• Knitting is my new obsession — I had such a great time in class Saturday and working on the project (a basketweave patterned scarf) has been so relaxing.
• I finally have time to just sit back and do some reading for fun again. I’m reading a series of novels based on the TV show Torchwood which is my current favorite program on television [BBC America, Saturdays at 8PM and 9PM and Tuesdays at 8 PM]
• Sleeping… I’m getting at least six hours of sleep a night which is wonderful after a few weeks of no sleep, 2 hours of sleep or sleeping way too much.
• Work is going pretty well. Without the conference planning committee stuff I’ve got time to focus on my job again and most of the time I really do enjoy my job.
• We decorated popcorn balls for Halloween at work! David brought in all the goodies and we had a great time decorating with vanilla icing and all sorts of candies. It was hilarious.

Even considering all of those factors, right now knitting has to be the highest rated. I don’t know what it is about knitting. Maybe it’s the need to concentrate on counting stitches which doesn’t allow for an deep thinking. Maybe it’s the whole creative process, watching a ball of yarn become a scarf is something akin to magical. Maybe it’s a combination of the texture of the yarn (wool) and the feel of the bamboo needles. Maybe it’s just that I’m in a crafty mood. I don’t know what it is but it’s just so very relaxing and comforting. Hmmmm, I should have paid more attention when my grandmother taught me to knit all those years ago.

I think I hear my knitting calling out to me… gotta get back to the fun!

Take care,
Karen

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ALAO, the Academic Library Association of Ohio, just finished up it’s annual conference on Friday. This year’s conference was 1.5 days long instead of the usual 1 day and was packed with programming. As a conference planning committee member, I helped select the programs, worked on the website, and did whatever else I could to help my fellow conference planners.

Planning a conference is a big job, with all its’ attendant frustrations and quite a lot of satisfaction along the way. The Planning Committee members are the key to the conference. Our meetings were filled with humor and quite a lot of food, but the humor is what got us through it all. The people who volunteer to serve as conference planners come into the job with all sorts of expectations and ideas and sometimes, without a clue as well. The newbies are quickly brought up to speed. They bring questions and ideas that the longer-term members don’t always see. The combination of experience and naivety combine to develop new ways of doing things and create a unique conference experience along the way.

I spent this year’s conference behind the registration desk, which I’ve found is the best place to be. Since everyone has to check in at the registration desk, I get to see them all. I was so excited to find that the “Thomas Marker” on one of the name tags was Tom Marker who used to work at ENC with me. It was just so cool to talk with him again and find that he’s still involved with libraries as he’s at OSU’s Health Sciences Library. I got to connect with Laura Kinner from University of Toledo too — Laura and I were in library school together and worked on a group project for our research methods class all those years ago. Back then, she meant to be an archivist and I meant to be a public library reference librarian. Now we’re both in academic libraries working in Tech Services!

I got to chat with many old friends and met a number of new people too. That’s the best part of the conference for me: networking, making contacts with people all over the state. One of the things I really appreciate about ALAO are the connections with other librarians. Between OhioLINK and ALAO, I seem to know at least one librarian at every academic institution in the state, if not more. That’s so cool! How many other professional organizations can boast that kind of networking?

The awards announcements at lunch were great too. I was so proud to find that Betsy Blankenship from OSU-Marion was named the Jay Ladd Distinguished Service Award winner this year! Congratulations Betsy! She certainly deserves this recognition. She has such a strong commitment to ALAO and has served in many capacities over the years. Her enthusiasm, knowledge, experience, and humor have contributed to ALAO’s success.

When it’s all said and done, there will be complaints about the conference. There always are. I’ve acknowledged to myself that we can’t please everyone so that will not be a surprise in the end. Overall though, the conference seemed to be a success. People commented positively on many of the presentations and on the poster sessions, the vendors seemed to have a number of visitors, we caught some of the glitches before they became huge problems, and the committee members basically did their respective jobs and things went off without many problems. We had a lot of laughs, shared a lot of frustrations, and got through it all. Yay for us!

I’ve spent the weekend decompressing! I think I’ve caught up on my sleep, did some fun reading, watched Torchwood on BBC America and a few movies from AMC’s Monster Fest, and took my first knitting class at Miss Chickpea’s Funky Fibers in Hudson, OH. I want to learn how to knit sweaters at some point. My grandmother Plummer taught me how to knit when I was a little girl but I never took to it really. I didn’t have the patience to do it then and I preferred crocheting which my grandmother Morris taught me. I can crochet up a storm, but knitting has always been a little beyond me. Lately I’ve been knitting scarfs and really want to learn more, hence the classes. Lori is taking the class too so this is really going to be a fun thing. I’m looking forward to the next class.

Guess that’s it. Now that ALAO is over, I’m going to try to write in here more regularly, but who knows if that will work?

Take care,
Karen

Tags: Academic Library Association of Ohio, ALAO // Add Comment »

My life seems to be a little out of control right now. Well, maybe more than “a little” out of control… more like a lot. My to-do list is quickly growing to the size of an epic novel and that feeling of being overwhelmed has taken over. I alternate between a panic state, where my mind is racing and never seems to shut down, and a kind of deep lethargy in which I can’t seem to find a coherent thought in my mind and all I really want to do is sleep.

By nature, I’m a procrastinator from way back. I’ve always put things off until the last possible moment. For the most part, that’s worked for me. I have a tendency to over-think things anyway so whenever I get something done too early, I can’t leave it alone. I go back to it, picking it over, tweaking it again and again, until I end up hating whatever it is. In many ways, I can be too much of a perfectionist and the only way I’ve figured out to deal with that is to work on things at the last minute so I don’t have the time to keep picking at it, forever trying to make it just a little more perfect.

I want things to be perfect. I yearn for that perfect world where peace and tolerance prevails, people accept each other just as they are, and everyone has reasonable expectations of themselves and others. Realizing that the world isn’t perfect, I want to try to make my little corner of the world perfect and that isn’t possible either so unreal expectations becomes another of my problems. I seem to think I can do it all, and when the realization sinks in that I’ve over-committed myself and I can’t do it all, I just freeze up and can’t get anything done.

It’s a dilemma. This is one of the issues I’m working on in my therapy and sometimes I feel as though I’m making progress, but other times (like recently) I feel as though I’ve taken a few steps backwards. The last week has been very shaky with a couple of panic attacks and a sense of dread taking over my life. I’ve spent a lot of time writing it all out in my journal, which always helps. I know what I need to do: I need to reign in my unrealistic expectations of myself, work on my procrastination behavior, and try to focus on right now. The old adage “take it one day at a time” really applies here.

Besides writing my way through my dilemma, my other coping mechanism is to turn to books for answers. My therapist recommended The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle so I ordered a copy of that through Amazon.com. I also dug out a book called Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity by David Allen which I started a while ago but never finished (procrastination in action). So this week I’m going to focus on setting reasonable goals at work, spend some time at home reading, and not bring work worries/concerns home with me. Sounds like a plan!

Take care,
Karen

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Wow! I’m still trying to wind down after an exciting high school football game. My alma mater, Perry High School, played the Canton McKinley Bulldogs tonight and beat them! Yeah! The final score was 21 to 7 and the mighty Perry Panthers played an awesome game. Not only was the game great, the half-time show featuring Perry’s marching band was terrific. My niece Caley plays flute in the band so it was a double treat for me.

Why a high school football game on a Thursday night? This was a special event… the game was televised live on Fox Sports Network so they had to change the day. It was weird seeing all the cameras around. It was even weirder that the temperature was in the upper 70s… and it’s October… in Ohio. Very unusual, but it was nice once the sun went down. Perfect weather to sit in the stands, listen to the band, scream my head off in support of my favorite football team, and enjoy the company of my sister-in-law, whose name also happens to be Karen.

Ending my Thursday with the usual Friday night football game just seems to be a perfect ending to slightly off day. I had trouble sleeping last night so got up and did a little work on my laptop. I caught up on email and worked on a few other things I needed to get done for work. When I finally got ready for work it was nearly 9am and I was exhausted. Since the day started off a little bit backwards, I was starting to get worried about how the day would turn out. As usual though, Starbucks saved my life. One hot caramel macchiato and my day was suddenly looking better.

I spent part of the morning working with our new part-time temporary cataloger on some of the cataloging oddities involved with archival materials. We also talked about the differences between public and academic libraries, particularly how academic libraries support professional development more readily (or at least in our joint experiences in the public library realm, financial support for professional development seemed very, very sparse). We also discussed faculty requirements, the advantages of being an academic librarian in Ohio, and typos in the catalog. A variety of topics and an interesting conversation overall. Not a bad way to spend a morning.

The rest of the day was much as normal. Statistics (the growth of the University Libraries’ collections), more email catch-up with some of my committees, and then off to the October Faculty Senate meeting. This is my second year on Faculty Senate and today I felt more comfortable with it all. Last year, I spent most of my time just trying to figure out what was going on but today it all seemed to come together. Maybe more about that later…

*Yawn* I think the excitement of the football game is wearing off and my lack of sleep last night is catching up with me. Time to think about sleep.

Take care,
Karen

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