Not Dead Yet…

It’s been a long, long time since I last wrote in here. Sorry for the delay. Real life has been more difficult and writing has been the last thing on my daily agenda… I’ve had to force myself to record a few simple things in my private journal.

I honestly thought things were getting a bit better last March: I eliminated a lot of commitments that were exhausting me physically and emotionally, simplified so many things in my life, put myself on a strict budget (finances and time), got out a bit more, took a pottery class to do something creative, knitted a few scarves, did some reading, and got back to basics on a lot of things. It worked for a while. I thought I was turning things around.

Then it was Fall and things started getting tense again. My poor dad fell and ended up in the emergency room which scared the crap out of me. His injuries weren’t too bad, all things considered. He was bruised badly, had some stitches in his forehead, and messed up his right shoulder to the point that he couldn’t move it. That problem took us to surgery a few weeks later to try to repair three ripped muscles and get some movement back in that shoulder. The results weren’t terrific. The damage was too great and he’s going to have limited functionality in that shoulder from now on. It was a long process and I spent a lot of time in doctor’s offices with him, trying to keep a positive outlook for both of us. He was down about it all, not so much from the pain, but the frustration of losing some more mobility. He’s doing okay now, still limited in functionality, but at least he’s able to get around on his own which makes him happier. He’s back into his routine and that’s good for all of us.

After he got back into his routine, I worked on getting back to mine. Work has been exceptionally hectic this academic year and I’m on a bunch of very active committees. One big project has been reassessment of the video collection in our Media Lending Department. We’re replacing a lot of VHS tapes with DVDs and weeding through the collection, getting rid of some old items that have never circulated or are too outdated for use. A lot of the work has fallen into my lap and my office looks like a Blockbuster warehouse right now. It’s been overwhelming. Lots to do and no time to do it all.

I struggled through the holidays just wishing they were over. Somehow, they seemed to get me down more than ever this year. I really did have fun Thanksgiving and Christmas, but there was just this feeling of dread in the back of my mind and I was very happy when it was all over. I’ve gone back and forth from being okay to being very depressed since the beginning of November. Can’t seem to shake it or figure out what’s triggered it all this time.

I’ve been working with my therapist, as usual, and it does help most of the time. The last visit wasn’t as helpful. Got into some stuff I wasn’t ready to deal with and have been binge eating like crazy lately. I had gotten that under a bit of control, but the last two weeks have been bad.

So to sum up the last few months: work has been overwhelming, dad’s health has been a big concern, I’ve had two bouts of the flu, more than a few migraines, and been fighting depressive episodes. On top of that, I’m so damn tired of winter! This winter has been very snowy and very cold and I just want it all to stop. I’d like to see sunshine, grass, green leaves on the trees, and NO SNOW, RAIN, ICE, or SLUSH! I’m tired of being cold!

Anyway, that’s what’s going on in my poor, sad little life. Hope yours is going better than mine!

Take care,

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